Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Death by Land, Air, and Sea

I came into work today feeling fairly good about myself. I've got a pretty decent job. I've got a girlfriend to die for, and life's pretty good, all and all.

I was ignorant then, because I had not checked my bot sites yet.

The first thing that I saw while cruising youtube for robots was this...

No, your eyes do not deceive you. Big Dog just got scarier. Boston Dynamics calls him little dog, but he is in all actuality a little piglet of death. In my book, the smaller a robot is, the scarier it is.

They'll strap C-4 to this little sucker and have him creep up to the target. Or even worse, they could attach buzz saws to these critters and have them zergling rush your ankles.

I can imagine several of these little things being held in the cargo bay of a Big Dog. Once it's deployed, it releases several of these little buggers as scouts. If the situation merits it, it would then have the little dog self destruct, or it could come take out the target itself with it's back mounted machine-gun turrets and/or missile launchers!

But that's not all folks. They're designing robots to rain down death from above as well. Below you, you will see the Navy's answer to the predator. It's an unmanned helicopter that's capable of firing a missile at a target.

I mean, this is nothing new, conceptually. However, it's got lots of awsome, exciting music, so it must be good, right?


Check out this little bit that the brilliant people over at Stanford have been working on. It's both amazing and terrifying at the same time.

Yes, that helicopter you're seeing is 100% self guided. Now, combine that sort of system with the Fire Scout, and what do you get? A healthy serving of DOOOM! That's what!

This last video speaks for itself.

I will never, ever go in a swimming pool again.

Via Boston Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, H-RL,, and apparently Bot Junkie (Who seem to have posted these videos on youtube.)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dr. Steel on the Robot Apocalypse

Hey boys and girls!

I was introduced to Dr. Steel by my friend, Scott. I know that I speak only for myself, but this man seems to have a solid grasp on our Doom, as can be evidenced in this video.

Check it out kids!

Via Dr. Steel via Scott Patten.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Weapons of the Apocalypse: Lasers

Check this out.

According to Wired, the U.S. Military has proceeded with test firings of a mobile chemical laser. They use words like "Supernatural Accuracy", and it apparantly has both a 'Stun' and 'Lethal' setting.

I am of two opinions on this. The first is that, the less people that die in wars, the better. It could revolutionize modern war-fare.

The second is that, in the hands of our Robot Overlords, we'd be toast. But then again, we'd be toast anyway.

Via Wired

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

"Perfect Woman" is a Hoax

The "Perfect Woman" mentioned below was a hoax. On the one hand, I'm sorry that I fell for it and posted it here. On the other, I am truly thankful that such a thing does not exist yet.

First Chess... Now Rubix's Cube

Robots are already teething on Humans. They're stretching their sinister robot limbs and finding out just how much damage their hydraulic muscles can inflict. Our first casualty was inflicted at the hands of Deep Blue. Our latest has been delievered by RuBot.

Notice, the creepy-skull like head. Notice the calm, Hannible Lector-esque voice. If you look into his eyes, you can see that he obviously wants to kill the cute, nervous kid standing by him, and the kid knows it. You can almost smell the fear.

Now that you've seen the enemy, watch him handily defeat our best and brightest warriors.

In all seriousness, problem solving robots scare the ever living bejezus out of me.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Zombie Robots

Rats and robots are nothing new. Those of you that are veterans of the mailing list may remember Steve posting about rats controlling robots.

It seems they've taken this a step further. They no longer need the rat. Just the rat brain. Researches pulled a similar stunt with moths early last year.

I, however, find this much more disturbing. It's a huge leap to go from insect to mammal. It raises the possibility that the first sentient machine may be manufactured from human brains! More specifically, your brains!

Via BBC News

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I-Robot Plans to Attach Deadly Spinning Blade to Autonomous Robot

Ok, am I only only person that thinks robot lawnmowers are a truly terrible idea? According to, that's exactly what the Roomba's creators are doing.

The 84 page filing has several potential designs for robotic lawnmowers listed - electric, gasoline, Roomba-like, different cutting systems, navigation systems, etc.

(emphasis mine)

I am convinced that I-Robot is gleefully plotting our demise.


Monday, August 11, 2008

Classic Robot Apocalypse: Be Afraid

Here's the first jaunt through the archives of the mailing list. For those of you that are here for the first time, I must warn you: What you are about to see may change your life forever.

Our first specimen is big dog. It's supposedly being developed for use as a robotic pack mule. I contend that they're going to place machine gun turrets on it's back and rig it up with heat sensors and motion detectors, and send them out on seek and destroy missions. Target? You...


The next in our lineup is a robot snake. This is another sweet little DARPA project.

If your mind doesn't reel at the nefarious possibilities, it's a sure sign that your skull will be among the first of those crushed by robotic tank treads in Terminator 4.

Did you see that? No, not Batman vs. The Terminator. The crushed skull. Yea, the one that could be yours. You're so entirely doomed.


It's been brought to my attention that there may be some clarification needed about this blog.

Nothing here is supposed to be cute, although some things may be amazing. All technology on this blog has the potential to kill you. Much of it has the potential to kill you in your sleep. Some of it can even hunt you down as you flee screaming through the woods, and then kill you. As far as I know, this blog covers technology that actually exists. I apologize in advance for any hoaxes I get sucked into.

And no, I'm not joking. Anyone who knows me knows that I am 100% serious, all of the time. This stuff is no laughing matter. You are doomed, and it is my job to keep you up at night worrying about the horrible manner in which you will die.

Coming Soon: Robot Apocalypse's most terrifying technological advances.

Single men will be the death of us all.

There's not much to say about it after you've watched the video. However, I am somewhat amazed by the tone of the report.

To learn more, hit the link.

Via Botjunkie.

*Update* I'm not entirely sure that this isn't a hoax.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

And so it begins...

I've been talking about doing this for months now. So I did it. I'll be mirroring my mailing list here.

So brace yourselves, kids. It'll only get worse from here.